So, I’d noticed a rash around Cari’s face when she ate fruit roll ups, etc at MILs.  Then I noticed it with other things…it appears red #40 is our culprit. And it’s not all the time, just occasionally that ranch makes her break out.

Now, twice this week, after a rash she’s been in an awful mood.  Uncontrollable bursts of anger, etc followed by a break down and sobbing.  I think it’s the Red #40 so we’re eliminating it from her diet.  Or I am. I hope it works.  Maybe it’s a lost cause, but then again, what have we got to lose?  worst case scenario is that this is all in my head and she won’t have as much artificial shit for awhile.

ok, people, i am not a saint for doing this.  candy and i are not great people.  i get angry.  i get upset.  i lose my temper.  we are doing it because we want to love her.  we aren’t doing this selflessly.

and she’s not ’such a sweetie.’  she is to you.  she is not to me.  and when i look frustrated or weary or tired, don’t tell me how blessed i am to have her.  i’m trying not to cry because i’ve been slapped twice for *nothing* and i’m exhausted: mentally, physically, emotionally.  she is a charmer in public.  believe me when i tell you that.  believe me.

We saw the case worker today and the licensing agent.  We are signed up for classes 11/5 for adoption training.  I also think we’ll sign up for “Parenting with Love & Logic”, a CPR class, and Educational Advocacy.

I can’t believe simple CPR and carseat training aren’t part of the foster classes!

Anyway, we’re as on schedule as on schedule can be.  not much else we can do for now.

while i’ve always thought i wanted to be a SAHM, I now know it’s not for me.  And I feel ashamed to say that, but it’s true.  First of all, we’ve alrady established that I have no self motivation.  Secondly, I don’t hve the patience to be around C 24 hours a day.

But I also hate working as much as I do and missing her.  SO here’s what I’m proposing to do: work every morning when she’s in school. (making a concerted effort to get her on the bus by 7:45 to get to work 20 mins sooner).  Mondays mom will pick her up and I will work all day.  Tuesdays ?  Wednesdays I will stay home after picking her up and go in at 3:30 when Cortney arrives.  Thurs?  Friday?  One day I want to stay home with her.  Maybe even bring work home.  And a couple days I’ll take her to work with me.  Once Marcy gets healed up she will take an afternoon also.

Today, I dropped her at school, went to work, went to pick her up, stopped at home, went back to work, went home to drop her at sitters, went back to work, went back home.  I’ve already put 800 miles on the new car in 2 weeks.    I can’t keep that up.  It’s nuts.  I may even offer to buy work a laptop so I can take things home with me.

We are all learning so much.  Cari is learning vocabulary, and numbers, and letters, and rules.  Oh the rules.  Sometimes it seems like we have too many.  Especially from her POV.  But really, all we don’t tolerate is hitting, spitting in someone’s face, squishing the dog, and running out in traffic.   I also realize my life would be easier, once again, if I were organized.  She gets into things that she shouldn’t, but it is my fault.

So I’m learning to be more patient.  and oh, sometimes it is so hard! She seems to know exactly what buttons to push.  For example, my mom only gets upset with her when she deliberately pees on mom’s floor (as in squats down to pee on the floor…).  so yesterday she did it 3 times.  We’re beginning to think she *likes* the negative attention.  thrives on it, b/c it’s all she’s ever known. 

I’m learning how hard life is with a 3 year old.  Different.  More challenging.  More scheduling needed, less work can get done, more laundry, more messes.  But so much more rewarding.

So what is Corey learning? I wish I knew   sometimes I think not much.  It has been hard to convince him that our life is easier if she has a definite bedtime.  And having her around still didn’t get him out of the field sooner.  But he did break for lunch w/ her (for 30 mins) and took her for a combine ride every day.

She loves music.  I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ve got her listening to classical in the car now, and she really likes it.  And blues and bluegrass. yay!  I even put on the spanish music for her occasionally.  This would be the thing i like best about XM radio: the selection and variety of music!  I get her to listen to big band stuff, and kid stuff, and the ones mentioned above.  Which is great.

But, anyway, we’re all learning how to cope as a family.  It’s quite a change.  A good change, but still quite a change.  I still have so much to learn!

THe other day, DD woke up and said ” Mommy, you my friend. And daddy my pumpkin.” awww…DH always calls her “pumpkin.”

Yesterday, she insisted on taking her umbrella (my old one from college!) everywhere.  I said (b/c it’s in her Dr. Seuss book), “did you know umbrella starts with the letter U?”  She replies “it starts with the letter me?” cracking up.

we are licensed, and C is living with us full time.  we have preschool meeting monday, here, so they can get to know cari, and we have an open house next friday.

she’s currently sick on teh couch. i’m learning so much…

Alright.  I tried skincare.  I tried to wash my face more.  I used the sensaria regime.  I had two pimples right of my mouth, one on my chin and I can feel three, yes THREE coming in on my nose.  Right on the end.  And it hurts.  Is this just my body getting rid of the toxins in it? or does my face not like sensaria?  i thought it might be the sensaria, but i switched back to my burt’s bees last night.

it’s so hard being beautiful :p

i’m also trying to find a place that will do a bikini wax.  surely there’s one around somewhere.  i’ve never had it done before.  but i hate the shaving and itching, and summer’s here.